CLOSURE.

Today is a great day. I'm happy to be able to confess. Aku lega sebab dapat terus terang. Sekarang benda ni takkan kacau focus aku untuk study lagi #roadto4flat. Allah loves you and me. That's why this is the fate that I'll have to accept.

Terima kasih sebab lahir dalam dunia ni. Thank you for being you.
Because of you I've learnt a lot of things and aku jadi lagi matang dari dulu. Aku takkan salahkan takdir. Ada sebab semua ni jadi. Ada sebab dulu aku nangis tak berhenti.

Aku harap kalau before kahwin pun, kau jumpa someone yang boleh bukak hati kau balik. insyaAllah akan ada. Jangan pernah menidakkan takdir Allah.

It feels different than years ago. I hope I'll continue being like this.

Lastly,
Goodbye my so-called first love, A.
This will be the last time so I just want to say that I love you but it won't be the same. I'll treat you as a friend only starting from today :)

SEVENTEENTH

I'M GOING TO BE FINE.

After some times, I think I'm starting to understand... Now I know who I am inside your heart. I'm sorry for hoping too much. I'll be fine later. I'll meet someone that will love me wholeheartedly. It's just that.. it's not now.  I hope that guy will be a matured one that knows what he wants and will grab it asap. I won't hold grudges because I know it's not the right thing to do because things won't change. Eventually things will be better sooner or later. You are half okay now. You just need another 2 or 3 years to be okay I guess.

During this journey of mine, I think I've met a lot of people. Those who actually did gave some useful and great advices. Thanks to you guys. I am still strong until today. After I'm okay with all of these things, I'll give people the advices that they might need. 

I want to heal and cure people who's having the same problem as me.  But now is not the right time. Creating a blog is the best decision I've ever made. InsyaAllah I'll be okay soon :) 

SIXTEENTH [FEARS& TEARS]

Wed, 17th January 2018

Hello everyone,

It's already 2018 and I'm trying to be happy but it's hard to do just that. He's back. his heart broken is back. and I'm trying to be there for him. I want him to be happy like he used to be but it will be very hard because he's not okay and he keeps on making things hard for himself. I shouldn't be worried but I'm feeling worried. I know how hard it must be when your love were betrayed. If only you knew how much I love and care for you, I think you'll be very suprise. you thought of me as a good friend but I don't think about you in the same way.

Do you want to know something that's much more pathetic? A lot of things that require me to insert my password, your birthday date are still inside(1/6). I don't know. I just couldn't stop doing it. Things will become more complicated afterwards because we're starting to contact each other every single day using whatsapp. When I'm not there, he'll find me. That's what I'm afraid the most. I'm afraid I might get hurt again.  I clearly knew that he will leave me when he found someone else or when he get back or whatever he just won't be with me. That's the fact that I've been trying to swallow. It's bitter but I'll have to go through it the same way I used to. It will be the most painful and hard experience that I've ever went through. I will remember how much I love you always and I'll remember how much I've been missing you these two years :) It was great knowing you. That's the only thing I know about myself, you and her.

 I  won't forget you Dear A,
my so-called first love :)